Is Instagram the Stupidest Platform in the Universe?

No, I’m not talking about all those pictured of people’s dinners or endless snaps of puppies and badly framed selfies. I’m talking about the platform itself.

Having ignored Instagram for years I was thumbing through friend’s feed today, and Instagram ‘invited’ me to sign up. Ok,  I thought, why not?

Sorry, something went wrong creating your account. Please try again soon.

So I logged in with Facebook and proceeded to sign up (if that’s not tautological, I don’t know what is, but let’s just go with it. Presumably this trillion-dollar company knows something I don’t). Choose a username. Not hard: AlanCPorter. That’s who I am, after all. Password? No worries. I put that in, clicked on Sign up and… got an error. “Sorry, something went wrong creating your account. Please try again soon.”

So I tried again a bit later. And my Username was no longer available. WTF? Has another Alan C Porter signed up since I last tried? What are the chances of that? Ah well, the world is a very big place. Maybe there are two of us. And neither of us thought to have an Instagram account until this very moment. So I tried a different user name. Same result: really helpful message about an ‘error’ that they couldn’t be bothered to explain so that I might have some chance of fixing it.

Again… third time lucky? No. Same crap.

So, I thought, maybe I need to use the App version. Turned on the phone, tried to log in, got the followinginstacrap1.png

How the fuck did you manage that Instagram? I haven’t even successfully signed up yet! How in the name of Greek Buggery can I have ‘violated’ your terms when you won’t let me though the front door? What did I do? Tell me. What did I manage to get wrong in  TWO LINES of input (one of which is my own name!)?

But I wasn’t defeated yet. I’ve met stupid before (I used to use Windows, and that was the Heavyweight Champion of the World of Stupid in the 1990s).

So… here’s clever. I’ll try one more time on the laptop. Using the details you think have violated your terms (which, incidentally, you have not yet even invited me to read…)

So I put in the details. And got this…


Now hang on just a minute… Not thirty seconds ago you told me I’d violated your terms. Now you tell me (or should that be ‘admit’?) I haven’t even got an account?

Seriously. One billion users. The crappest piece of programming in the known universe.

I have put in a ‘report’ about this, but I doubt anything will come of it. Any company stupid enough to actually be running software like this is going to be far too stupid to sort the problem out.

So you’ll never have the chance to see what I’m having for dinner.

Thanks Instacrap.


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